Social Media and the State of Social Isolation (Social Isolation in the Digital Age Series)
In a world that increasingly prizes individualism, social connection has become both more necessary and, paradoxically, harder to sustain. In this series, Vancouver-based counsellor Alex Henderson explores how video games, social media, and artificial intelligence have reshaped the way we connect—and what happens when those digital spaces begin to replace real human contact. Drawing from insights in psychology and mental health practice, Alex examines the growing tension between digital convenience and genuine connection, and how this tension impacts our well-being. Each piece invites readers to reflect on the challenges of social isolation in the digital age and to consider how we might begin the slow, intentional work of reconnecting—with ourselves, with others, and with the world beyond our screens.
In this piece, Alex looks specifically at the role of social media — how it promises connection while often deepening disconnection — and how we can begin to engage with it more consciously to support our mental health and relationships.
Read the other articles in this series here
Learn more about this articles author Alex Henderson or book a free consult
Living in a hyper-individualist society
We live in a culture that emphasises me, my path, my achievement, my lifestyle. The ideal of the self-made, self-sufficient individual looms large. On one hand, this can enable freedom, autonomy and personal growth; on the other hand, it can erode the sense of we and us. When the social contract shifts toward personal branding and individual optimisation, the connective tissue of communal rituals, long-term interdependence, routine shared time with others, can weaken.
In such a society, loneliness doesn’t necessarily look like being physically alone; it often looks like being emotionally or socially disconnected even amid many people. It means that although we may be more “connected” via devices and networks than ever, we may feel less connected. The norms of social life- the casual drop-by visits, the unscheduled check-ins, the shared communal time- get squeezed out by busy schedules, by self-pursuits, by the expectation that relationships must “fit” our individual trajectories.
If you want to better understand what loneliness is trying to tell us, and why it may be less of an enemy than it seems, read our blog “Lost in a Crowd: Understanding Loneliness in Vancouver.”
As those communal anchors dissolve, we increasingly lean on technology as our social glue. But that glue is different; it’s mediated, monetised, and often less resilient than the off-screen connections of the past.
Means of social connection are being reshaped for monetisation
Our ways of connecting have changed drastically in recent decades. Where once social interaction was often local, un-mediated, spontaneous, now many connection-points have been shaped by platforms, algorithms and monetisation models. Social media, streaming services, apps, online communities – all increasingly operate under business models that prioritise engagement, clicks, data-capture, and retention over the raw human value of simply being with someone.
This reshaping means that social connection often comes with strings attached: it must be scalable, shareable, optimised. We like, swipe, comment, share- all of which generate data, which is monetised. The connection becomes a product, or at least part of a platform’s product. In this dynamic, social connection becomes harder, not easier, even if superficially there are more “opportunities” to connect.
Because the infrastructure of our connection is run by platforms whose incentive is to keep us engaged (often through shorter, sharper interactions), the depth of our connection can suffer. Meaningful human contact doesn’t scale easily. The monetised model tends to reward broadcast, visible interaction, not necessarily vulnerability, or un-glamorous depth. So in this reshaped social world, even when we are connected we may feel un-connected.
Social media serves to connect us but also puts space between us
Enter the paradox of social media: platforms promise connection- to friends, family, communities- but the way they mediate our interactions can create a kind of social distance. A photo posted, a like received, a comment made- yes these are signs of connection. But they’re also filtered, curated, delayed, mediated by interface, algorithm, and design.
As noted by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) in their article “Give me a break… from social media”, the reward centre of the brain lights up when adolescents receive many “likes” on their social-media posts- suggesting that these platforms tap into the same neural pathways as other rewards. Meanwhile, the same article notes excessive social-media use among teens is linked to depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, and reduced sleep quality.
What this tells us is that social media is not merely a neutral conduit for connection. It changes the texture of connection- it adds filtering, quantification (likes, followers), expectation, surveillance. And that filtering introduces a gap: between the real person and their mediated self, between what is expressed and what is felt, between connection as process and connection as product.
In other words: we are “connected,” but that connection is partial, stylised, interrupted. We may scroll through hundreds of faces, posts, likes, yet still feel that there’s a real-life gap waiting to be bridged.
Turning to internet/devices: always available, attention-hungry
It makes sense, then, that when feeling socially adrift, we turn to our devices. They are always available. Our phones are in our pockets; our tablets in our hands; our streaming services on demand. They are intuitive companions. But crucially: these devices are not passive tools. They are designed to compete for our attention. We have stepped into an “economy of clicks” and personal-data farming. Services lure us to engage, to tap, to linger. The longer we stay, the more we generate, the more value the platform extracts.
The effect: much of what we do now- even socially- revolves around devices. We orient ourselves toward them. We check for notifications instead of checking in with people. We scroll through feeds when a voice in real-life might ask “How are you?” We watch others interact through screens, rather than being in the same room.
And so naturally we begin to socially orient through devices. We tweet, snap, post, comment. We perhaps feel less competent face-to-face, because the scaffolding of conversation has shifted. Real-world interaction is messy, unpredictable; by contrast, digital interaction is heavily scaffolded, often curated, often asynchronous. It becomes tempting to retreat into the polished, mediated version of social interaction- even if it feels less real.
Interacting via devices, especially through consumption, commodifies social interaction
When our social behaviour is mediated primarily through consumption of content- streaming videos, scrolling feeds, bingeing shows- the nature of social interaction changes. It becomes less about direct human interplay and more about co-consuming, commenting, reacting, sharing. The interaction is commodified: you consume, then you share; you react, then you move on. The product is the content plus the network effect; the person becomes the viewer, the listener, the sharer.
This commodification has implications for how we feel socially. Real-world social interaction is full of awkward pauses, non-verbal cues, shared silences, mismatches, misunderstandings. These are part of what makes human connection rich and unstable and ultimately grounded. But if we spend more time in digital social modes that smooth out the messiness- edit, filter, pause, like- then when we step into real life the messiness may feel even messier, even more unwieldy. The brain, used to streamlined connection, may shy away from the unpredictable.
In this way, interaction via devices can reinforce a social isolation loop. If digital social feels easier (even if less satisfying) we may prefer that to the harder but richer “in-person” encounter. And the more we choose the easier path, the less confident, the less practiced we become at the harder path- until it feels increasingly awkward to turn toward real social interaction.
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Overuse of social media and content consumption → social isolation & loneliness
Research supports the idea that heavy device/use, extended screen time, frequent social-media immersion, correlate with higher rates of loneliness, social isolation, anxiety and depression. For example, CAMH’s “Youth, Smartphones and Social Media Use” briefing notes that over one-third of Ontario students spend five or more hours daily on devices in free time; and that excessive use is associated with depression and anxiety. A systematic review found social-networking platform use associated with lower well-being for some young people.
The mechanism: if social media and content consumption are used as primary modes of connection, they may displace opportunities for live, reciprocal, embodied connection. And for individuals already at risk- those with social anxiety, depression, or a tendency to withdraw- the digital mode can become a safer haven, reinforcing avoidance of real-world interaction. In turn, withdrawal reduces resilience: social skills atrophy, ambiguity tolerance declines, the willingness to risk vulnerability shrinks. Social isolation thus deepens.
The feedback loop: retreat from the world into the internet
Because the digital domain is easier in many ways- fewer cues, fewer bodily signals, fewer risks of real-time rejection- it becomes alluring when one is lonely or anxious. But the more one retreats into the internet presence the more one’s social muscle is unused; real-life social interaction becomes more daunting. The brain begins to favour the more predictable, controllable digital interactions. This fosters a feedback loop:
Feeling disconnected → turn to device/online social.
Online social is easier, less demanding → more time there.
Real-life interactions shrink → fewer opportunities to practise, to repair, to grow socially.
Real-life interactions feel more awkward → avoidance increases → more time online.
Loneliness and isolation deepen → reliance on online mode grows.
And the consequence: rather than technology being a supplement to real-world social life, for some people it becomes a substitute- and one that lacks many of the protective, renewing qualities of embodied social connection.
If you or someone you know is struggling to find balance or connection, counselling can help. It offers space to slow down, reflect, and rebuild the skills that support meaningful relationships — with technology, with others, and with yourself. At Nimble Counselling, we offer in-person sessions in downtown Vancouver and online counselling across BC, making support accessible wherever you are.
There is always a way back to connection. To explore practical steps for rebuilding it in your own life, read Alex Henderson’s article on how to reconnect.
References
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. Give me a break… from social media. https://www.camh.ca/en/camh-news-and-stories/give-me-a-break-from-social-media CAMH
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. Youth, Smartphones and Social Media Use. https://kmb.camh.ca/ggtu/knowledge-translation/youth-smartphones-and-social-media-use Knowledge Mobilization at CAMH
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. Social Media Use and Mental Health Among Students in Ontario. https://www.camh.ca/-/media/files/pdfs---ebulletin/ebulletin-19-n2-socialmedia-mentalhealth-2017osduhs-pdf.pdf CAMH
Verywell Mind. “The Social Media and Mental Health Connection.” https://www.verywellmind.com/link-between-social-media-and-mental-health-5089347 Verywell Mind
