5 Practical Techniques to Calm Anxiety Before a Big Event
You’re Not Alone in Feeling This Way
We've all been there – a big social event is looming on the calendar, and all you want to do is dive under the covers and hide. Maybe it's a friend’s wedding, an important work gathering, or a community event in Vancouver. The anticipation alone can send your heart racing and your stomach into knots. Your mind might swirl with what-ifs (“What if I say something awkward? What if I panic?”), while your body reacts with sweaty palms, a pounding chest, or that urge to escape.
If you’re feeling this way, know that you’re not alone and not “weak” – anxiety before big events is a very human experience. In fact, our nervous system is wired to protect us from the unknown, which is why you might feel on edge beforehand. The good news is that there are gentle, evidence-informed ways to soothe those pre-event jitters. At Nimble Counselling – a Vancouver-based, trauma-informed counselling practice – we often help clients across BC find mind–body strategies to cope with anxiety before stressful events. In this post, we’ll share five practical techniques to help you feel more grounded and confident when that big day arrives. These tips are warm, simple, and rooted in psychology and nervous-system research, so you can approach your next event with a bit more ease.
(Remember: Take what works for you and leave the rest. Everyone’s system is different, so feel free to try these techniques and adapt them as needed.)
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1. Anchor Yourself with Calming Breathwork (Long Exhales)
One of the fastest ways to calm your nervous system is through your breath. When anxiety strikes, your body often shifts into fight-or-flight mode – your heart beats faster, breathing gets shallow, and stress hormones spike. Slow, intentional breathing can interrupt this cycle by tapping into your parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” side that calms you down). In particular, breathing with a long, slow exhale is key. Research from Stanford Medicine has shown that extending your exhalation actively signals the body to relax by slowing your heart rate. In fact, just a few minutes of breathwork that emphasizes longer exhales can significantly reduce anxiety and improve your mood.
How to do it: Try the physiological sigh, a simple breathing technique you can use anytime you feel nerves creeping in. Inhale slowly through your nose until your lungs feel comfortably full, then take one more short sip of air to fully top up. Now exhale very slowly through your mouth until all the air is gone. (That long exhale is the most important part – it’s telling your body “we can settle now”.) You can even purse your lips or sigh audibly as you breathe out to naturally lengthen the exhale. Repeat this for a few breaths or for a few minutes. As you do, you might notice your heart rate slowing and a bit of tension melting away. This happens because exhaling engages the calming branch of your nervous system, helping turn the volume down on anxious arousal.
Grounding tip: If counting helps, you can inhale to a count of 4, then exhale to a count of 6 or 7. The exact numbers aren’t critical – just aim to make your out-breath longer than your in-breath. As you breathe, you might silently remind yourself: “Breathing out… letting go.” With each long exhale, imagine you’re releasing a little of that pre-event tension.
Why this works? Beyond the biology of oxygen and CO2 balance, taking charge of your breathing can break the anxiety spiral by giving your mind and body something steady to focus on. It’s a way of telling your nervous system that this moment is not an emergency. By slowing your breath, you’re essentially sending yourself the message: “It’s okay, we’re safe enough right now.” And when your body feels safer, those racing thoughts and jitters often begin to settle too.
2. Ground Yourself with an Orientation Practice
When anxiety kicks in, our mind tends to either race ahead or get stuck in worried thoughts, and our body might feel disconnected or jittery. Orientation is a somatic (body-based) practice that gently brings you back to the here and now by using your senses and surroundings. Think of how a curious cat or a relaxed dog might calmly look around a new room – they’re orienting to their environment, signaling to their brain that the space is safe. We can do a human version of that to ground ourselves whenever nerves start to climb.
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How to do it: Wherever you are (whether at home before the event or stepping into the venue), take a moment to look slowly around the room. Softly rest your eyes on a few things that feel neutral or pleasant to see. Perhaps notice the evening light coming through the window, the color of the walls, or the texture of a piece of furniture. Name (out loud or in your mind) five things you see around you that feel ordinary or okay. Next, notice what you feel under you – the chair supporting your weight, your feet on the floor. Let your breath naturally deepen just a little as you do this, without forcing it. You might even whisper to yourself a reassuring phrase, like: “I am here right now. It’s okay to take this moment.”.
Take your time with this orientation. Look around slowly, and with each thing you notice, allow your body to register that in this moment, you are safe enough. You’re not in the scary future of “what if”; you’re right here, in a real place, and nothing awful is happening this second. This simple practice helps your nervous system update to the present and sends a calming signal to your brain. It can even re-engage the “thinking” part of your brain that anxiety tends to dim, letting you feel more clear and in control. Many trauma-informed therapies, like Somatic Experiencing, use orientation for nervous system regulation, because it’s a direct way of telling your body that the immediate environment is not dangerous.
Grounding tip: If you feel your mind pulling back into worry, gently bring your attention to something around you that feels comforting to look at. For example, notice the pattern of the floor, a plant in the corner, or the sky outside the window. You can also try naming a few sounds you hear or noticing any comforting scents in the room. By connecting with your surroundings through your senses, you’re shifting out of the internal panic mode and into the reality of right now, which is usually much less scary than our minds would have us think.
3. Soothe Your Senses (Temperature and Touch)
Anxiety isn’t just “in your head” – it’s often very physical. So another practical approach to calm pre-event anxiety is using sensory regulation tools. By intentionally engaging your senses (touch, temperature, smell, etc.), you can gently nudge your body and brain back toward calm. Sometimes, a strong sensory input can even cut through the peak of anxiety and reset your system. Here are a couple of sensory strategies you might find helpful:
Cool down with cold water or air: Splashing cold water on your face or neck, holding a cool compress to your cheeks, or even stepping outside into brisk air for a moment can rapidly dial down anxiety. This works on a physiological level by triggering what’s known as the “diving reflex.” When cold water contacts your face (especially around the eyes and nose), your vagus nerve sends a signal that causes your heart rate to slow down. This is an evolutionary reflex in all mammals – it’s meant to conserve energy underwater, but in everyday life it translates to a quick calming effect. So, if your anxiety is spiking before the event, try pausing in the bathroom and splashing cold water on your face, or sipping a cold drink. As your heart rate decelerates, you might feel your panic decelerate with it. In short, cool temperature can physically interrupt the anxiety alarm by taming your body's overreaction.
Carry a grounding object: Tactile sensation is a powerful grounding tool. Sometimes just having something to hold onto can make you feel steadier when anxiety swells. Consider carrying a small object that soothes you – it could be a smooth stone, a stress ball, a fidget, or even a soft piece of fabric in your pocket. When you start feeling anxious, grip that object or press it in your hand. Notice its texture and weight. Giving that nervous energy a physical outlet can make a surprising difference. Therapists note that squeezing or holding something firmly redirects your tension and can leave you feeling a bit lighter after you release. For example, you might clench your fists tight for a few seconds and then relax them, or grab the arms of your chair and feel the pressure of your grip, then let go. This kind of sensory input helps regulate your nervous system by bringing your focus to the body. It pulls you out of swirling thoughts and into direct, manageable sensations.
Engage your senses one by one: If you have a bit more time before the event, you can do a classic grounding exercise using multiple senses (often called the "5-4-3-2-1" technique). Identify 5 things you can see around you, 4 things you can feel (your sweater on your skin, the breeze on your face, etc.), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This exercise gently anchors you in the present moment by using your senses as a guide. It’s hard for the mind to totally spiral into future fears when you’re actively engaging with sights, sounds, and textures right here. By the end of the exercise, you’ve effectively given your mind a mini “reset” and your body a chance to downshift from high alert.
Remember, sensory tools work best when you approach them with a mindset of curiosity and care. Ask yourself, what does my anxious body need right now – a bit more coolness to settle down? More warmth and comfort? More tactile pressure? For instance, some people find warmth soothing (a cozy blanket, a warm cup of tea to hold), while others might need the invigoration of cold. Feel free to experiment with temperature, touch, scents (perhaps a calming essential oil or the smell of a familiar perfume), or even taste (sucking on a peppermint) to discover what helps your nerves relax. These are simple emotional regulation strategies that directly involve your body, and they can be done subtly even in a crowd. By tending to your senses, you’re giving your nervous system supportive input that says, “Let’s come back to balance.”
4. Practice Gentle Self-Talk (Reduce Shame and Fear)
How you speak to yourself in moments of anxiety can dramatically shape your experience. Unfortunately, many of us slip into harsh or panicky self-talk without even realizing it – especially before a big event. You might start criticizing yourself (“Why am I freaking out? I should be over this!”) or imagining worst-case scenarios (“Everyone will think I’m awkward”). This inner commentary often pours fuel on the fire, adding a layer of shame or dread on top of the anxiety. One of the kindest and most effective things you can do is to flip the script with self-compassionate, realistic self-talk. In other words, talk to yourself the way you would comfort a dear friend.
Why this helps: Studies have found that practicing self-compassion – treating yourself with understanding and kindness – is linked to lower anxiety and less feelings of shame. Think about that: by simply changing the tone of your internal voice, you can reduce two of anxiety’s toughest companions, worry and shame. When you normalize your feelings and speak gently to yourself, you signal to your nervous system that you’re not under attack; you’re actually supported (even if in this case, the support is coming from you!). This softens the fight-or-flight response. On the flip side, harsh self-criticism (“Get it together, what’s wrong with you!”) only tells your body that something is wrong, keeping you in an anxious state. So a little kindness goes a long way in calming the fear.
How to do it: Start by noticing when anxious thoughts pop up, and especially those judgmental thoughts about having anxiety. Catch that inner critic in the act. Then, intentionally swap in a kinder thought or reframe. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so pathetic for being this nervous,” pause and rephrase in a supportive tone: “Okay, I’m feeling really anxious, and that’s tough – but it’s also a normal human reaction. A lot of people would feel nervous in this situation. I’m not alone, and it doesn’t mean I’m weak.” You might also remind yourself of your strengths or past successes: “I’ve gotten through uncomfortable moments before – I can do it this time too, even if I’m anxious.” Another helpful approach is to use reassuring statements that address the core fears. For instance: “Even if I feel anxious, I can still have a meaningful time,” or “It’s okay if I need to step away for a breather – I’m allowed to take care of myself.” Such statements reduce the anticipatory fear because you’re giving yourself permission to feel what you feel without judgment.
Some people find it useful to prepare a few compassionate phrases beforehand, almost like having an emotional first-aid kit. You might jot down reminders like, “I am doing my best, and that is enough,” or “Feeling anxious doesn’t mean I’ll do poorly – I can be anxious and still show up,” or “No one is judging me as harshly as I fear; people are more forgiving than I think.” Choose words that resonate with you and counter your typical worry thoughts. When the anxiety flares up, consciously slow down and speak to yourself in a calming, encouraging way. It might feel awkward at first, but over time this kind of self-talk builds a habit of self-compassion. And with self-compassion comes a decrease in that debilitating shame that can make anxiety so much worse.
Grounding tip: If your mind is running wild with worry, try saying a grounding phrase on your out-breath (either in your mind or whispering). For example, inhale deeply, then on the long exhale think: “Let’s take it moment by moment,” or “Right now, I am okay.” You can also visualize someone you trust telling you the words you need to hear – sometimes imagining the voice of a friend or counsellor saying “You’re going to be okay, I’ve got your back” can be incredibly soothing. The key is to replace the harsh or catastrophic inner voice with a tone that’s calm, caring, and grounded in truth. This way, you become your own ally instead of another source of stress.
5. Plan Ahead: Set Boundaries and Intentions for the Event
Anxiety loves the unknown. One reason big events make us so uneasy is the feeling of not being in control – How long will I have to stay? What if I get overwhelmed? What if X or Y happens? A powerful antidote to this anticipatory anxiety is pre-event planning. By thinking ahead about your needs and limits, you create a sense of safety and control that can greatly reduce dread. Two aspects of planning that many find helpful are: setting boundaries and setting intentions.
Set your boundaries: Give yourself permission now to have limits then. This might include practical exit strategies and comfort plans. For example, decide in advance roughly how long you’ll stay at the event, especially if it’s purely optional social time. You might tell yourself, “I’ll go for at least an hour, and after that I can leave if I’m feeling too drained.” If appropriate, communicate this plan to a friend who’ll be there (“I’m planning to head out around 9 pm”). Having an “out” plan can significantly ease the feeling of being trapped. It’s not being antisocial; it’s being mindful of your bandwidth. You can also plan where you might take a break if needed – maybe stepping outside for fresh air or finding a quieter corner. If crowds trigger you, identify a spot at the venue that’s less busy where you can retreat for a few minutes. If talking to lots of people is overwhelming, consider bringing a “buddy” to the event – having even one safe person to stick with can create a comforting bubble within a big group. All these are healthy boundaries that protect you. Therapists often encourage anxious clients to practice assertiveness in this way: it’s absolutely okay to step outside, get some water, or even head home early if you need to. In fact, planning such exit strategies and boundaries ahead of time is a well-recognized coping skill for social anxiety. It gives you back a sense of agency: you’re not at the mercy of the event; you have options and tools to care for yourself.
Set a gentle intention: Once you’ve covered your bases on safety and comfort, it helps to also give yourself a positive focus for the event. Anxiety is often fixated on everything that could go wrong. By setting an intention, you reframe the narrative – you’re reminding yourself why you’re choosing to go and what you hope to get out of it in a meaningful way. This isn't about having grand expectations or “goals” to achieve; it’s about aligning with your values. For instance, your intention might be connecting with others in a genuine way, being present to enjoy a special moment, or supporting someone you care about. You could set an intention as simple as, “I’d like to really listen to others and be curious,” or “I will focus on enjoying one conversation at the party,” or “I want to celebrate my friend’s achievement.” Setting an intention helps you remember your why – it brings a sense of purpose that can steady you when nerves flare up. It also shifts your attention from internal fear to outward engagement: you have something positive to carry in with you. Research on mindfulness and anxiety suggests that having this kind of mindful intention can improve focus and reduce stress during challenging tasks. In practice, whenever worry thoughts like “What if I mess up?” pop in, you can counter with your intention: “I’m here because this matters to me.” It’s a gentle way to keep your mind oriented toward what you want to do, rather than what you fear.
Combining these two elements – boundaries and intention – creates a balanced game plan. Before the event, perhaps jot down a quick plan: “Okay, I’ll drive myself so I can leave when I need. I’ll take a few grounding breaths in the car before I go in. My goal is to talk to at least two people, and it’s okay if I feel anxious. My intention is to be present and kind to myself.” This kind of self-agreement takes a lot of pressure off. You’re giving yourself structure (which calms the nervous system by reducing uncertainty) and also encouragement (which boosts your confidence that the event can be manageable, maybe even enjoyable).
Empowering tip: Think of pre-planning as designing a safety net for yourself. Knowing that you have a plan for discomfort (“If I start feeling panicky, I’ll step outside and do a quick breathing exercise”) can make the difference between skipping the event out of fear and actually showing up. And by setting a value-aligned intention, you ensure that you’re showing up for something meaningful, not just your anxiety. Even if things don’t go perfectly, you can honour that intention – for example, you did go and congratulate the newlyweds, or you did attend the networking event to advance your career values. That counts for a lot, and it’s something to feel good about.
Stepping Forward with Support
Facing a big event when you have anxiety can feel daunting, but with these tools in your back pocket, we hope you feel a little more equipped to handle the challenge. Remember, anxiety is workable. It might not disappear entirely (and that’s okay!), but it can be managed and soothed with practice, patience, and the right strategies. By using anchoring breaths, grounding in the present, tending to your senses, speaking kindly to yourself, and planning for your needs, you’re building a pathway through the anxiety rather than being paralyzed by it. Each time you employ one of these techniques, you’re strengthening your nervous system’s capacity to regulate and reminding yourself that you have control over how you respond to stress. That’s a big deal!
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Be gentle with yourself as you try these approaches. Some days, you might only manage a tiny bit of breathing or a quick exit – and that’s still a win. Over time, these small practices add up to greater resilience. Anxiety before events doesn’t have to hold you back from living your life or celebrating with others. With warmth, grounding, and the practical skills above, you can gradually find more ease in those once-dreaded situations.
Lastly, if you feel you could use more support, know that help is available. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Nimble Counselling is here for you. Our counsellors (based in Vancouver and available online across BC) specialize in anxiety therapy and trauma-informed, somatic approaches to wellbeing. We can assist you in:
Understanding your anxiety – making sense of why you feel the way you do, so it’s less scary.
Building emotional and nervous system resilience – so that stressors affect you less over time.
Learning body-based skills (like the ones in this article and more) for handling events, conflict, social connection, and everyday pressures.
Preventing anxious spirals and cultivating long-term regulation habits, so you can recover faster when anxiety spikes.
If you’re in Vancouver or anywhere in BC, our team at Nimble offers compassionate counselling both in-person and through secure online sessions. We blend talk therapy with somatic therapy techniques to help you not just cope, but truly feel more grounded and confident in your life. Big events and daily stresses will always be there, but with the right support, you can meet them with a steadier heart and the knowledge that you are not alone.
You’ve got this. And if you need a helping hand, we’re here to help you walk through the anxiety and into the moments that matter. Take a deep breath, reach out when you’re ready, and remember that feeling nervous is human – and change is possible. Here’s to facing that next big event with a little more calm and a lot more self-compassion.
TL;DR — Quick Q&A (Anxiety Before a Big Event)
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Yes. Your nervous system is doing its job, trying to keep you safe in an uncertain situation. It can feel intense, but it doesn’t mean you’re broken, weak, or “bad at socializing.”
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Try 3–5 rounds of long-exhale breathing (like the physiological sigh). Longer exhales cue your body to downshift from fight-or-flight into “rest and digest.”
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Use an orientation practice: slowly look around and name 5 things you see, then feel your feet on the floor or the chair supporting you. It helps your brain update to right now instead of the scary future.
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Absolutely. Temperature + touch are great for this: hold a cold drink, rinse your wrists with cool water, or keep a small grounding object in your pocket (stone, ring, stress ball). Quiet, simple, effective.
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Swap harsh self-talk for gentle, realistic self-talk: “Of course I feel anxious. This is hard. I can be nervous and still show up.” Shame ramps anxiety up. Compassion brings it down.
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Plan your boundary + exit strategy ahead of time. Drive yourself, set a loose time limit (“I’ll stay an hour”), and pick a break spot (outside, bathroom, quiet corner). Having a plan reduces the feeling of being trapped.
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Keep it small and values-based: “One genuine conversation.” “Show up and be kind to myself.” “Celebrate my friend for 20 minutes.” Intentions guide you gently. They’re not a test.
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That’s okay. The goal isn’t “zero anxiety.” The goal is more regulation and more choice. Even a 10% shift matters and builds confidence over time.
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If anxiety is regularly making you avoid events, disrupting sleep, causing panic symptoms, or shrinking your life, it may be time for support. Therapy can help you understand what’s driving the fear and build nervous-system tools that actually stick.
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We offer anxiety therapy with a trauma-informed, mind–body lens (including somatic approaches) to help you:
make sense of your anxiety without shame
build regulation skills you can use in real life
reduce panic spirals and anticipatory dread
feel more grounded and confident in social situations
If you’re in Vancouver or anywhere in BC, we’re available in-person and online.
