What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
Nimble Counselling’s Alex Henderson is a Vancouver-based therapist who works with clients through a grounded and thoughtful lens. In this piece, he shares what IFS therapy is, what it is not, and how it can support people in understanding themselves with more clarity, compassion, and care.
Summary
Internal Family Systems therapy, often called IFS, is a counselling approach that helps people understand the different “parts” of themselves with more curiosity, compassion, and clarity. Rather than treating anxiety, shame, anger, avoidance, or self-criticism as problems to be treated IFS explores what these parts may be trying to protect.
In therapy, this can help clients build a steadier relationship with themselves, soften inner conflict, and move toward healing in a more thoughtful and supported way. IFS is often described as a non-pathologizing approach, meaning it does not start from the assumption that difficult patterns are signs of brokenness. Instead, it asks what those patterns may have helped someone survive, manage, or avoid. IFS as a psychotherapy model was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz to be used in clinical settings, making it particularly helpful for people who have found more historical forms fo psychotherapy to be inaccessible of lacking compassion. Understanding the Idea of “Parts”
Most people have had the experience of feeling pulled in different directions.
One part of you may want to say yes, while another part wants to say no. One part may want closeness, while another part wants to pull away. One part may push you to keep going, achieve, and stay productive, while another part feels tired, overwhelmed, or quietly resentful.
IFS begins with the idea that these different internal experiences are not signs that something is wrong but rather that different parts of you have come into conversation with one another
These parts often develop for understandable reasons. Some may have formed in response to stress, trauma, family dynamics, relationships, rejection, pressure, or moments where we had to adapt in order to get through something difficult.
A self-critical part, for example, may be trying to keep us from being judged by others. A people-pleasing part may be trying to protect us from conflict or abandonment. A numbing or avoidant part may be trying to help us to survive feelings that were once too much to hold.
IFS does not ask you to fight these parts or to get them under control. Instead, it invites you to get curious about them.
Want to learn more about IFS can support you, book a free consult with Alex.
What IFS Is
Internal Family Systems is a therapeutic approach that helps people explore their inner world through the lens of parts, protection, and self-leadership.
The model suggests that people are not made up of one single, fixed personality. Instead, each person has many parts, each with its own feelings, beliefs, fears, hopes, and protective strategies. The IFS model commonly describes different groups of parts, including protective parts and more vulnerable parts, as well as the role of Self in bringing more balance and care to the internal system.
Some parts may feel familiar and easy to name. Others may be quieter, hidden, or harder to understand at first. In IFS, the goal is not to judge these parts as good or bad, but to understand what role they are playing and what they may need.
At the centre of IFS is the idea of Self. Self is not another part. It refers to the grounded, compassionate, steady capacity within a person that can relate to parts with curiosity rather than fear or criticism.
In everyday language, Self might feel like the place in you that can pause, breathe, listen, and respond rather than react. It is the difference between “I am anxious” and “I am feeling anxious” That small shift can create space, and in that space, healing often becomes more possible.(https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline)
How IFS Shows Up in Therapy
IFS therapy can look different depending on the client, the therapist, and the pace of the work. It is not a rigid formula. It is usually gentle, collaborative, and grounded in curiosity.
A session may begin with something happening in the client’s current life. This could be anxiety, relationship stress, burnout, shame, anger, grief, avoidance, or a familiar pattern they feel stuck in.
Rather than only focusing on the surface issue, an IFS-informed therapist may invite the client to notice what is happening internally and to examine it from different perspective. Instead of deciding which part is right, therapy creates space to understand both. The work may involve noticing body sensations, emotions, images, memories, beliefs, or impulses connected to a part. When a connection to the part has been established, an individual can engage with their parts and work with them towards goals shared between parts and expressed with the ‘self’. This process is usually slow and respectful. Parts are not pushed to change before they feel ready. In many cases, parts soften when they feel heard and understood.
Learn more about Alex Henderson, this blogs author in his bio
Working With Protective Parts
Many parts act as protectors. Their job is to keep you away from dangerous experiences such as pain, rejection, danger, grief, shame, or overwhelm.
Some protectors are proactive. They work hard to keep life under control. These parts might show up as perfectionism, planning, achievement, caretaking, independence, people-pleasing, or constant self-monitoring.
Other protectors are more reactive. They step in when distress feels too high. These parts might show up as shutting down, numbing, avoidance, anger, distraction, bingeing, withdrawal, or impulsive behaviour.
Within IFS, these parts are understood differently depending on their role. What is consistent though is that these parts are not seen as enemies, they are often trying very hard to help, even when their strategies create pain or problems in the present.
This can be a meaningful shift for clients. Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?” IFS gently moves toward, “What is this part trying to protect me from?”
That question can open a different kind of conversation with yourself. One with less shame and more understanding.
What IFS Can Be Helpful For
IFS can be helpful for people who feel stuck in patterns that do not respond well to advice or surface-level solutions.
It may support people working through anxiety, depression, trauma, shame, grief, relationship patterns, self-criticism, emotional overwhelm, burnout, identity exploration, addictive patterns, disordered eating patterns, and difficulty with boundaries as well as a myriad of other experiences happening internally.
It can also be helpful for people who feel like they understand their patterns intellectually but still struggle to shift them emotionally. A person may know they are safe now, but still feel panic in their body. They may know they deserve care, but still feel unworthy. They may know a relationship is unhealthy, but still feel unable to leave or speak up.
IFS makes room for that complexity. It recognizes that insight is important, but it is not always enough on its own. Sometimes the parts of us carrying intense emotions need to be met directly and with compassion before change can feel possible.
Research on IFS is still developing. Some studies have found promising results for concerns such as depression, PTSD symptoms, and chronic pain, but the evidence base is still smaller than more extensively researched therapies such as CBT, EMDR, or DBT. A 2017 pilot randomized study found preliminary evidence for IFS in treating depressive symptoms among female college students(The Efficacy of Internal Family Systems Therapy in the Treatment of Depression Among Female College Students: A Pilot Study - PubMed), while noting both IFS and treatment as usual showed improvement. A randomized controlled study with rheumatoid arthritis patients found that an IFS-based intervention was feasible and acceptable, with positive effects on pain, depressive symptoms, physical function, and self-compassion.
Read more from Alex in his blog
IFS and Trauma
IFS is often used in trauma-informed therapy because it does not require clients to tell every detail of what happened before meaningful work can begin and because it has been shown to be particularly effective for helping to ease the symptoms of PTSD and behavioural patterns informed by trauma.
For some people, retelling traumatic experiences too quickly can feel overwhelming or destabilizing. IFS can support clients in building safety, pacing, and internal trust before approaching painful memories or emotions.
In trauma work, protective parts may be especially strong. Some parts may not want to talk about the past at all. Others may feel flooded by it. Some may carry deep beliefs such as “It was my fault,” “I am not safe,” or “I have to handle everything alone.”
An IFSapproach honours these protective responses. It does not rush past them. It understands that these parts may have helped the person survive.
Over time, therapy may help clients build enough internal safety to approach wounded parts with care. This can support a more integrated relationship with the past, where trauma is no longer shaping the present in the same way.
This pacing matters. Some clinicians have raised concerns that IFS can be misapplied when it is used too quickly, too rigidly, or outside a therapist’s scope of training, particularly with complex trauma, dissociation, psychosis, or unclear diagnoses. A trauma-informed use of IFS should be careful, collaborative, and grounded in the client’s present-day stability and consent.
IFS and Inner Conflict
One of the clearest places IFS can be useful is inner conflict.
Many clients come to therapy feeling frustrated with themselves. They may say things like, “Part of me knows what I need to do, but I just can’t do it,” or “I keep repeating the same pattern even though I know better.”
Instead of treating the conflict as failure, it explores the different parts involved. One part may want change. Another part may fear what change could cost. One part may want closeness. Another may expect rejection. One part may want to feel emotions. Another may believe emotions are dangerous.
When these parts are not understood, people can feel trapped in a cycle of pressure, resistance, and shame. When the parts are listened to, the system often begins to make more sense.
This does not mean everything changes immediately. But it can help clients stop fighting themselves and begin relating to their inner world with more patience.
Ready to explore IFS further? Alex offers in person therapy in Downtown Vancouver
What IFS Is Not
IFS is not about creating excuses for harmful behaviour. Understanding a protective part does not mean avoiding accountability. It means creating the conditions for real change.
IFS is also not about forcing forgiveness, positivity, or calm. Some parts may carry anger, grief, fear, or distrust for very good reasons. These emotions are not treated as problems to erase.
IFS is not a quick fix. It can be gentle, but it can also be deep. The pace depends on the person, their nervous system, their history, and what feels safe enough to explore.
Most importantly, IFS is not about a therapist telling you who you are. It is about helping you listen inwardly and develop a clearer, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
What to Expect From IFS-Focused Therapy
In IFS-focused therapy, clients can expect a collaborative and respectful process. The therapist may ask questions that help identify parts, understand their roles, and notice how they show up in thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and the body.
A session may include quiet reflection, guided noticing, conversation, emotional processing, narrative work, nervous system awareness, or exploration of specific life patterns and themes.
Clients do not need to know the language of IFS before beginning. They do not need to arrive with parts already identified. The work can begin with whatever is present.
Sometimes that is a feeling. Sometimes it is a stuck pattern. Sometimes it is a sense of being overwhelmed, disconnected, angry, ashamed, or unsure where to start.
IFS offers a way to begin there.
A More Compassionate Way to Understand Yourself
Many people come to therapy believing they need to get rid of the parts of themselves that feel messy, reactive, guarded, or difficult.
IFS offers a different possibility.
What if these parts are not signs of failure? What if they are signs of adaptation? What if the parts of you that feel hardest to accept are also the parts that most need understanding?
This does not mean every pattern is serving you well now. Some protective strategies may be causing pain in your relationships, your work, your body, or your sense of self. But IFS begins from the belief that healing is more likely when we approach these patterns with curiosity rather than shame.
For people looking for IFS-focused therapy in Vancouver, this approach can offer a grounded way to explore inner conflict, trauma, anxiety, shame, and self-understanding.
You do not need to have the right words before reaching out. Therapy can be a place to slow down, listen inwardly, and begin building a different relationship with the parts of you that have been working so hard to protect you.
