Coping With Holiday Stress: Tips From a Therapist
As the holiday season arrives, Nimble Counsellor Anna MacGillivray RCC offers gentle, therapist-informed tips to help you move through this time with more ease. The holidays can be meaningful and stressful all at once, and Anna’s grounded, body-aware guidance is here to support you in staying steady, compassionate, and connected to yourself.
For many people, the holidays come with a complicated mix of joy, pressure, and exhaustion. You can love your people and still feel overwhelmed. The holiday season often brings together bright moments and big stressors all at once. Packed gatherings, noisy events, and disrupted routines can lead to sensory overload; old family tensions might resurface; you may feel grief for those who aren’t there; financial strain and travel fatigue can pile on. In short, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs amid the celebrations.
If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone. The reality of the season isn’t always as picture-perfect as a Hallmark movie. This guide offers gentle, therapist-informed tips to navigate holiday stress and anxiety with compassion. Whether you’re in Vancouver or anywhere in B.C., these strategies can help you find a steadier footing through the holidays.
Learn more about this blogs author and therapist Anna MacGillivray RCC
1. Give Yourself the Gift of Healthy Boundaries
Between family obligations, work parties, and pressure to say “yes” to every invitation, you might end up stretched thin. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do it all – setting boundaries is a form of self-care. In fact, healthy boundaries protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. This might mean politely declining some events, limiting the length of visits, or excusing yourself from conversations that feel toxic. Remember, boundaries aren’t selfish — they’re a form of self-respect.
Why it helps: When you honour your limits, you prevent burnout and resentment. Boundaries are essential for protecting your energy and maintaining healthy relationships. By clearly communicating what you’re comfortable with – for example, “I can only stay for an hour” or “Let’s avoid politics tonight” – you give others a roadmap to respecting you.
Try this: Identify one boundary that would make this season easier on you. It could be a budget limit on gifts, a set day for yourself with no obligations, or a plan to drive your own car to events so you can leave when you need. Practice a kind, clear script for saying no (“Thank you for understanding, but I won’t be able to join this year”). Remind yourself that saying no to others can mean saying yes to your own well-being.
Read more about boundaries in our blog: Boundaries: The Key to Protection, Connection, and Self-Worth
2. Pause and Breathe to Calm Your Nervous System
Holiday anxiety often ramps up when our bodies go into “fight-or-flight” mode from stress. When you feel your heart racing or shoulders tensing, give yourself permission to pause. Take a few slow, deep breaths – even just a minute or two of deep breathing can begin to calm your nervous system, lowering stress hormones like cortisol. Just a few minutes of intentional breathing or mindfulness can significantly reduce anxiety and improve your mood.
Why it helps: Deep breathing and other relaxation techniques signal to your body that you’re safe. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” mode) which helps turn down the volume on panic and overwhelm. In plain terms, slowing your breath tells your brain and body that it’s okay to relax. When social environments or busy malls feel intense, these techniques prevent stress from snowballing.
Try this: The 4-7-8 breathing exercise is a simple option: inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold for 7, exhale through your mouth for 8. Repeat a few times and notice if you feel a bit more grounded. You can also try placing a hand on your belly to feel each breath, or exhaling with a sigh to release tension. Even stepping into a quiet corner or bathroom to take a few mindful breaths during a loud family dinner can help you reset before rejoining the group.
3. Ground Yourself During Overwhelming Moments
Holiday gatherings can overload our senses and emotions. Maybe the kids are screaming, multiple conversations are colliding, or a family conflict is brewing. In those moments when you feel overstimulated or triggered, grounding techniques can bring you back to the here-and-now. For instance, try the classic “5-4-3-2-1” grounding exercise: silently name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel (feet on the floor, ring on your finger…), 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste. This practice engages your senses to anchor you in the present.
Why it helps: When anxiety spikes, our minds can race into worst-case scenarios or old trauma responses. Grounding pulls you out of those mental spirals and into your body and immediate surroundings. It’s a way of telling your nervous system, “In this moment, I am okay.” Grounding skills are helpful for managing flashbacks, panic, or anger surges, because focusing on tangible sensations can stabilize runaway emotions.
Try this: If conflict arises or you feel yourself shutting down or tensing up, give yourself an “emotional timeout.” Excuse yourself to step outside for a breath of fresh air or to get a glass of water. A therapist’s advice here is practical: even during holiday celebrations, taking a brief break – stepping outside, breathing, or getting some water – can help you re-center before things boil over. As you step away, you might roll your shoulders or wiggle your fingers and toes, releasing some physical tension. Return to the room only when you feel a bit more settled. It’s perfectly okay to take care of yourself in this way; the people who care about you would rather have you take a breather than push yourself to a breaking point.
Read more about mindfulness in the winter months in our blog: Embracing Mindfulness in Vancouver’s Winter Months
4. Let Go of the “Perfect Holiday” Pressure
Many of us carry an image of the perfect holiday – the flawless dinner, everyone getting along, magical Instagram-worthy moments. In reality, life is messier. High expectations and perfectionism can turn into a recipe for stress and disappointment. Societal messages and social media often pressure us to feel unrelenting joy and togetherness, which can leave you feeling inadequate when your experience doesn’t match the ideal. Ironically, chasing a perfect holiday often pulls us away from the real meaning and connection we crave.
Why it helps: Letting go of perfection and embracing authenticity can alleviate unnecessary pressure. When you give yourself permission to have an “okay” or “good enough” holiday instead of a perfect one, you free up space to actually enjoy the moments as they are. Lowering the bar a bit – in terms of cooking, gifting, hosting, or how you think you “should” feel – can transform the season from a performance into something personal and meaningful.
Try this: Reflect on what truly matters to you during the holidays. Maybe it’s having a cozy night with one or two close friends instead of throwing a big party, or keeping a beloved tradition in a simpler form. Whenever you notice yourself thinking “I should do ___” or comparing your holiday to others’, pause and question it. Could you simplify that task or drop it entirely? For example, instead of five different homemade dishes, maybe you buy a couple of ready-made sides and spend that saved time watching a favourite movie with your kids. Give yourself permission to do less, and focus on moments of connection rather than perfect details. Authenticity beats perfection. Being real and present will always matter more than checking every box.
5. Make Space for Grief and Mixed Emotions
It’s possible to feel joy and grief at the same time during the holidays. Perhaps you’re mourning a loved one who isn’t here this year, or you’re experiencing loneliness while it seems like everyone else is together and happy. The holidays can serve as a poignant reminder of what’s missing, intensifying feelings of loss. Know that these heavy feelings are not only allowed, they’re common. Whatever you’re feeling, it matters. You don’t have to force yourself to be merry just because it’s the holiday season.
Why it helps: When we push down sadness or pretend everything is fine, we often end up feeling even more isolated. A trauma-informed approach encourages “riding the waves” of emotion rather than fighting them. That means allowing yourself a good cry if you need it, or acknowledging “I’m really missing them right now” without judgment. Healing doesn’t mean never feeling pain, it means giving our emotions space to move through, in manageable doses, instead of bottling them up. Mixed emotions are part of being human, and recognizing this can take away the shame or “wrongness” you might attach to feeling down at a time that’s “supposed” to be happy.
Try this: Find a small way to honour the feelings or memories coming up for you. This could be starting a new ritual that gives you comfort or memorializes a loved one. For example, if certain family traditions are too painful or don’t fit you anymore, consider creating new rituals aligned with your values and needs. You might light a candle in honour of someone you miss, play their favourite song, or cook a dish that reminds you of them. If you’re feeling lonely, you could volunteer at a community event or invite another friend who might be alone to share a low-key gathering – something that fosters connection on your terms. Even taking a quiet morning walk in nature can be a meaningful personal ritual. The goal is not to erase the sadness, but to integrate it into the holiday in a gentle way. And if waves of grief hit you unexpectedly during a holiday event, give yourself permission to step away for a moment or have a quiet cry. You’re not ruining anything by being human.
Want some extra support but don’t know where to get started? Use our match with a therapist tool today to find the right fit for you
6. Honour Your Limits (Without the Guilt)
During the holidays, it’s easy to override your own limits – staying longer at events than you can handle, hosting relatives when you’re drained, pushing yourself to uphold every tradition. Often, we do this out of guilt or the feeling that we’ll disappoint others. But consider this: when you honour your limits, you’re taking care of your relationships in the long run, too. For example, turning in early instead of forcing yourself to mingle late into the night might mean you’re more refreshed (and patient) the next day with family. It’s okay to be protective of your own well-being. In fact, no one should feel pressured to be festive and “on” all the time, bad days and low moments are normal, even during the holidays.
Why it helps: Operating past your physical or emotional limits can lead to more frequent meltdowns, burnout, or even resentment toward people you usually care about. By contrast, respecting your internal signals (like noticing when you’re exhausted, anxious, or triggered) is a key resilience skill. It’s also a principle of somatic or body-based therapy: listening to your body’s needs is essential for maintaining balance. When you heed those needs—whether that means cancelling plans, stepping outside for a breather (as mentioned), or opting out of a tradition—you are regulating your nervous system and preventing a bigger crash later. Self-compassion is the antidote to holiday guilt. Instead of judging yourself for what you “should be able to handle,” try speaking to yourself as you would to a close friend: “It’s okay, you’ve done enough. You deserve to rest.”
Try this: Practice checking in with your body once a day (or during stressful events). Do a quick scan from head to toe: Where are you feeling tension or fatigue? What is one thing you could do right now that would help you 5% – whether that’s getting a drink of water, stepping outside, or turning off the Christmas music that’s giving you a headache? If you decide to leave an event early or skip an activity, notice any guilt that pops up and gently remind yourself: “Taking care of myself is allowed.” You might even imagine an ally reassuring you that your choice to rest is healthy, not selfish. Over time, these small acts of honouring your limits with compassion will build your resilience far more than powering through ever could.
7. Build “Rest Pockets” Into Busy Days
The holiday season can feel go-go-go. Between shopping, cooking, socializing, and year-end work deadlines, you might feel like you’re constantly in motion. One therapist tip for holiday stress management is to deliberately schedule “rest pockets” – small breaks and calming moments woven into your day. This might look like a 10-minute walk around the block between events, a short meditation or stretch in the morning, or simply sitting in a quiet room with your phone on do-not-disturb. Even if you can’t take a full day off, even five minutes of intentional rest can help reset your nervous system. In fact, research shows that just 15 minutes of quiet time daily can have a positive effect on your brain and stress levels.
Why it helps: When we treat rest as optional, our minds and bodies pay the price. Sleep and downtime aren’t indulgences; they’re fundamental to emotional regulation. Without pauses, your stress hormones stay elevated and your mind never gets a chance to recharge. By integrating small rest periods, you prevent exhaustion from accumulating. Think of these as pressure valves that release a bit of steam from the cooker before it explodes. Regular mini-breaks also give you a moment to reflect and come back to yourself, which is especially helpful if you’ve been focusing on everyone else’s needs. As one counselling service puts it, mental health doesn’t take a holiday and neither should your self-care.
Try this: Look at your calendar for the next couple of weeks. Can you find a few windows for rest? Maybe block 15 minutes in your workday to sit by a window and sip tea, or plan that on one weekend morning you’ll stay in bed an extra hour with a book. Consider building a calming ritual for the evening, like turning off screens and dimming lights an hour before bed, or doing a short yin yoga stretch to signal your body it’s time to unwind. If you’re travelling, pack a soothing item (like a lavender sachet or your favourite scarf) to cue relaxation during layovers or long drives. Protect these rest pockets like you would an important appointment, they are appointments with yourself, and they’re crucial for helping you stay grounded through the holiday rush.
Read more about finding balance in your life in our blog: Finding Balance: Work and Life for The Trades in BC
The Holidays Can Stir Up Old Wounds (And That’s Normal)
It’s important to acknowledge that, for many people, the holidays can bring up old wounds and complex emotions. You might find yourself reacting strongly to something a family member says, not just because of the comment itself but because it touches a deeper hurt or memory from the past. This time of year can act like a time machine, reviving feelings from childhood or past relationships. Trauma triggers often resurface during family gatherings or significant anniversaries. Perhaps the smell of a particular dish or a holiday song brings a wave of sadness and you’re not sure why – it could be your body recalling a difficult moment years ago. All of this can happen beneath the level of conscious thought, through what therapists call implicit memory or nervous system memory.
Similarly, if you are neurodivergent (for example, living with autism or ADHD), the break in routine and avalanche of sensory input during the holidays can be especially taxing. The bright lights, loud music, crowded rooms, and unpredictability might leave you exhausted or anxious. Between the holiday lights and sounds, disruptions in routine, and pressure of social expectations, it’s no wonder you may feel more stressed or anxious than usual. Your brain and body are dealing with a lot of extra stimuli. Recognizing this helps you give yourself grace – you’re not just “being difficult” or “too sensitive;” your nervous system truly is working overtime.
And of course, mixed emotions are part of the holiday landscape for many. You can feel deep gratitude in one moment and deep grief in the next. You might cherish the time with your family while simultaneously feeling anger or hurt about something in the family history. All of this is okay. In therapy, we often talk about holding two truths at the same time – “Both/And” emotions. The holidays tend to be a prime time for Both/And: joy and sorrow, love and frustration, hope and nostalgia, all wrapped up together. If this season stirs up layers of feeling, it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong; it means you’re human and you’ve experienced life.
Above all, try to validate your own experience. Instead of judging yourself for feeling down when others seem happy, remind yourself that everyone has their own struggles behind closed doors. What you see on the outside (or on social media) is never the full story. You are allowed to feel whatever comes up. In fact, giving yourself that permission is a profound act of self-care. Should these emotions feel too heavy to carry alone, reaching out to a trusted friend, support group, or mental health professional can provide relief. Sometimes just saying out loud, “This is hard for me” to someone empathetic can lighten the load.
Closing Thoughts: You’re Not Alone — Support Is Available
Holiday stress and anxiety can be challenging, but they are workable. With small, compassionate steps – setting a boundary here, taking a deep breath there, and acknowledging your feelings throughout – this season can become more manageable. Remember that you deserve support. You don’t have to white-knuckle through holiday overwhelm or anxiety on your own. Sometimes talking to a professional can offer validation, new tools, and the reassurance that what you’re experiencing makes sense.
Want some extra help this Holiday Season, book a session with us today
If you find yourself needing extra help, consider reaching out to a counsellor. Nimble Counselling offers online counselling across BC and in-person therapy in Vancouver, with a team that understands the mind–body connection and the nuances of holiday stress. Our trauma-informed therapists can help you navigate a range of challenges, including:
Holiday stress and overwhelm – finding calm strategies and pacing that work for you
Anxiety, emotional regulation, and burnout – learning techniques to manage worry and recharge your nervous system
Boundary-setting and relationship stress – role-playing how to kindly hold limits with family or work
Somatic, body-based tools for grounding and resilience – practicing mindfulness, breathing, and other skills to stay centred
Grief, loneliness, or complicated family dynamics – providing a safe space to process losses and conflicts
Building long-term emotional resilience – beyond the holidays, developing resources to handle life’s ups and downs with greater ease
You’re allowed to seek help and put yourself on your priority list. In fact, doing so can make future holidays (and everyday life) feel more sustainable and fulfilling. If you’re interested in counselling in Vancouver or anywhere in B.C., Nimble is here to support you with warmth, compassion, and a steady, non-judgmental presence. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for help – sometimes the best gift you can give your loved ones (and yourself) is a healthier, calmer you.
Happy Holidays, and remember to take care of you this season. You truly deserve it.
Read more from Anna in her blog
