FOMO Is Ruining Your Life (But It Doesn’t Have To)

Apr 28

Sea to Sky resident and Nimble contributor Blake Mahovic takes us through FOMO, what it is, why we feel it, how it impacts us and finally how break free from its clutches and live a more grounded life.

If you live in Vancouver or the Sea to Sky corridor, you’ve probably felt it. That quiet (or sometimes blaring) pressure that says, you should be doing more. Hiking before work. Skiing before brunch. Attending that underground show everyone is going to. Living here comes with constant reminders that if you’re not maximizing your time, you’re wasting it.

In Squamish especially, most conversations start with, "What did you do this weekend?"—which sounds friendly enough until you realize it’s just the opening round of a competitive humblebrag tournament nobody signed up for... and nobody really wins.

It’s subtle, often masked as ambition or spontaneity, but it can wear you down. You feel it when you're at a dinner but checking your phone to see what else is happening. You feel it when you're choosing between five “perfect” weekend plans and end up anxious instead of excited. What you're feeling is FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). And it's quietly wreaking havoc on our mental health and relationships.

The Paradox of Choice: More Isn’t Always Better

Psychologist Barry Schwartz coined the phrase the paradox of choice, and it’s especially relevant here. His argument? When we’re faced with too many options, we don’t feel freer, we feel more anxious. In his 2004 book, The Paradox of Choice, Schwartz lays out the case: while some choice is necessary and even beneficial, too much leads to decision fatigue, dissatisfaction, and a cycle of regret.

We think more options mean a better outcome. In reality, it often leads to second-guessing, and the constant suspicion that we chose wrong. If you’ve ever sat at a restaurant and regretted your meal because your friend’s looked slightly better—you’ve experienced it. Multiply that by every decision you make in a day, and it’s no wonder we’re overwhelmed.

The Curse of Maximizing

There are two types of decision-makers Schwartz identifies: satisficers and maximizers. Satisficers look for “good enough” and are generally more content with their choices. Maximizers, on the other hand, strive to make the best possible choice—and they’re usually less happy as a result.

In Vancouver, maximizing shows up in how we spend our time. Every Saturday presents five different “perfect” plans: a sunrise hike, brunch on Commercial, paddle boarding at Deep Cove, or a gig at Fortune. Rather than picking one and enjoying it, many of us spend the entire time wondering if the other options would've been better. Even worse, we sometimes cancel on people or flake last-minute, chasing a better offer.

We don’t just want to make good choices—we want to make perfect ones. And that pursuit often robs us of any joy in the moment we’re actually in.

The High of Now vs the Long Game of Contentment

Short-term excitement is addictive. It’s why we bounce from one social plan to the next, swipe endlessly on dating apps, and jump from job to job looking for more meaning. But the hit we get from novelty fades quickly, and we’re left needing the next thing to feel good again.

In Stumbling on Happiness, psychologist Daniel Gilbert explains that our brains are terrible at predicting what will actually make us happy in the long run. He talks about the concept of a “happiness baseline”—a kind of emotional thermostat that we tend to return to after big highs or lows. So even if we chase an epic experience, it may not actually move the needle on our overall satisfaction.

And here’s the catch: when we get used to constant highs, the everyday starts to feel... dull. We lose the ability to appreciate small joys like a coffee in the sun, a conversation with a friend, or a quiet evening at home. Our dopamine receptors need more stimulation to feel pleasure, and that shift makes contentment feel out of reach.

But before we move on, there’s something worth holding onto—something that reminds us that joy doesn’t have to be complex.

Relearning Joy: Bubbles and the Bigger Highs

There’s a scene in Knocked up that says more about happiness than most self-help books. Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen are watching a kid chase bubbles, and the kid is thrilled. Pure, electric, full-body delight. The kind of unfiltered happiness that’s loud and unashamed. Rudd turns to Rogen and says, “I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles” And Rogan’s character responds simply “That’s sad”.

It’s a funny line, but it cuts deep. Because that kind of joy, the kind that makes you dance over soap bubbles, is still available to us. We’ve just forgotten how to feel it.

Instead, we chase bigger high, a new car, a new job, a summit photo on Instagram, believing they'll make us feel something more. But as Stumbling on Happiness reminds us, our brains aren't wired that way. The truth is, our highs don't actually get higher. Whether it’s catching bubbles or standing on top of Everest, we tend to return to the same baseline of happiness. The climber feels the rush—but it’s fleeting. And often, they’re back to baseline faster than you’d expect.

Meanwhile, a child blowing bubbles is maxing out their joy, right there in the moment.

The key difference? They’re present. They’re not comparing, not maximizing, not wondering what else they could be doing. They’re just there.

And the good news? We can train ourselves to get back to that. To feel that same wonder. It’s not about settling—it’s about recalibrating. Appreciating the everyday. Taking small wins seriously. Letting ourselves actually feel joy over simple things.

Try this: keep a photo album on your phone of things that bring you joy—sunlight through your window, a dog you pass on your walk, your favorite coffee mug. Look at it often. Practice delighting in the tiny. Buy some damn bubbles.

Because maybe the secret isn’t chasing a better life, it’s remembering how to feel good in the one you already have.

Dating in the Age of Endless Options

Nowhere is the paradox of choice more glaring than in modern dating. Apps have created the illusion of infinite options. Swipe left and you might find someone better. Someone more attractive, more interesting, more emotionally available. And because we believe there’s always something better out there, we rarely give real relationships a fair shot.

Maximizing shows up hard here. We create this impossible ideal: the emotional maturity of a past partner, the sex drive of someone we dated in our 20s, the interests of our last situationship, and the communication skills of someone we’ve never actually met. Then we wonder why no one measures up.

When relationships get difficult, instead of working through it, many people think, there must be someone out there who won’t trigger me, who won’t require hard conversations, who will just... get me. And maybe there is—but no relationship comes without conflict. The pursuit of perfection leads us to abandon connection too quickly, and over time, we’re left with a long list of short, unfulfilling interactions.

We stop building something real in favor of chasing something ideal. And that gets lonely fast.

Over time, we build an internal "highlight reel" from past experiences—pulling the best parts from different jobs, relationships, places, or phases of life. Then we unknowingly compare our current reality to this stitched-together, idealized version of the past. But no single experience ever contained all those good parts at once. When we compare the present to a fantasy built from fragments, reality will always fall short.

How to Break Free From FOMO Culture

So, how do we fix it? How do we move from maximizing to meaning, from restless to rooted? Here’s where to start:

1. Decide Which Choices Matter

Not all choices are created equal. What you wear today, what you eat for lunch, or which show you stream tonight, none of these will meaningfully impact your life in the long run.

Try this: list all the small decisions you make in a day. Then, figure out which ones are low-stakes and automate them. Meal prep. Wear the same outfit combinations. Stick with one show. Schedule your workouts. Free your mind from decision fatigue so you can focus your energy on the stuff that actually matters.

2. Choose Your Values, Not Comparisons

We have more choice than ever in how we live our lives. That freedom is powerful, but only if we use it wisely.

Make your big choices based on your values, not comparisons. If you value creativity, connection, or stability—let that guide your choices. Not Instagram. Not your ex’s new partner. Not your coworker’s travel blog. Not even yourself last year.

Write down what matters most to you. Then build your life around that. The more aligned your life is with your core principles, the less FOMO has room to sneak in.

3. Relearn Joy in the Everyday

Happiness isn’t a fireworks show—it’s a campfire. Warm, steady, and sometimes a bit quiet.

Create a “joy list” of small things that make you feel good. Coffee on a balcony. A slow walk through Stanley Park. Laughing with a friend until your stomach hurts. Take photos of these things and keep a little album on your phone to remind you.

Make an effort to notice these moments. Presence is a skill. The more you practice, the more naturally it comes.

4. Accept the Choices You’ve Made (Even the Hard Ones)

Life isn’t always in our control. Sometimes we make choices; sometimes they’re made for us. But how we respond—that’s always within our power.

Instead of looking back with regret or scanning the horizon for the next best thing, try this: accept where you are. Accept who you’re with. Accept what today looks like, and focus on being present in it.

For the first time in history, many of us get to choose what we do, where were we do it, and who we we do it with. Its important to remember or most of human history, people lived meaningful, connected lives with far fewer choices than we have today. They built joy out of what was available, not what was possible. It’s only recently that we started believing happiness depends on having all the options.

Gratitude isn’t about ignoring the hard stuff, it’s about finding something to be thankful for anyway. And when you do that regularly, the fear of missing out loses its grip.

5. Reframe Regret as a Tool for Growth

Regret is part of being human—but it doesn’t have to trap you. Instead of letting regret sour the present, try using it to inform the future.

If something didn’t go the way you hoped, ask yourself: What will I do differently next time? not What should I have done? Life is an iterative process. When we view it that way, we stay open to learning, are kinder to ourselves, and free ourselves to keep growing instead of getting stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk.

Final Thoughts

We live in a time and place where freedom of choice is unprecedented. That’s a beautiful thing. But when every decision feels like it has to be the best one, it’s easy to become paralyzed or perpetually unsatisfied.

FOMO is real. But it’s also beatable.

It starts by deciding what matters, simplifying what doesn’t, appreciating the everyday, and showing up fully for your own life. The goal isn’t to do everything or be everywhere. It’s to be exactly where you are—with both feet, and your full heart.

Because presence will always beat possibility, and remember to chase bubbles, not comparisons.

How Counselling Can Help

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by comparison, stuck in cycles of regret, or constantly scanning for the next best thing, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it out on your own either. Talking it through with a counsellor can help you untangle the unrealistic standards you’ve built over time and bring your focus back to what actually matters to you.

Counselling can support you in staying present, setting healthy boundaries with your thoughts, and reconnecting with daily practices that ground you. At Nimble, we offer low-cost counselling options with extended in-person availability in Vancouver, plus online sessions that fit your schedule—wherever you are.

Book now